There are people in life you need to avoid or move away from lest your destiny is derailed. It is of vital importance to surround yourself with people who appreciate where you want to be. People who can catch your vision and help you to get there are worth keeping. It is also important to acknowledge that you only have one life to live and you wouldn’t want to spend it living someone’s dream instead of your own.
A couple of years ago after my heart’s virginity was broken someone came into my life as a friend and consoled me. He was a friend at first and it developed into a relationship. Well, it was a sort of a rebound kind of relationship because I wasn’t fit to be in love after the earlier heartbreak. We were good friends before the relationship but as we got into the relationship things changed or maybe I changed. We were madly in love but the truth is love on its own failed to sustain the relationship. As I zoomed into his life I realized that he was a man with no dreams at all.
Here I was, full of dreams and visions of big things to come. There he was not knowing where he needed to be. When I told him my dreams and visions he didn’t show any excitement because he had his own dreams and visions for me. He only saw me as a wife and mother of his kids in the then later doomed future. We came from different backgrounds and I could see that somehow our drive was not the same. I grew up in poverty and knew the taste, smell and sound of it.
The aim was to run away from it as fast as I could. I needed someone who understood that I had an enemy that was pursuing me. On the other hand, he came from a well-to-do family and had no idea what poverty was. His parents had bought properties for him and his siblings when they were still young. He grew up knowing that he had possessions already in his name therefore he didn’t care that much. He often bragged that if he wanted to marry me he would just sell a couple of goats and cattle his parents left for him at the farm. I felt sorry for him, how is it that one can brag about someone’s hard work?
One should always have a passion to live not to just exist. I always asked him what he was planning to do with his life and he was clueless. He had a powerful support system around him as well as the resources but he didn’t bother to utilize them. There he was having things that I wished I had and yet he took them for granted. I found myself pushing him to at least enroll for some short courses since he didn’t want to rewrite his A’ level. He enrolled just to impress me and I noticed that because sometimes he didn’t go for the classes. He finally dropped out of it and told me that he didn’t have time. We had a big fight over that and he told me that he was beginning to feel like he was in a relationship with his mother.
I realized that I was for sure pushing my dreams and visions on him so I apologized. I understood that education was not for everyone because others succeed in other areas without qualifications. Some do well in areas of their gifting without any qualifications. Who was I to push him to be the man that I wanted? Who was I to choke him with my dreams? I was running away from poverty and he was not running from anything.
I had nothing and he had nothing yet he wanted to marry me already. All he had was his parent’s sweat and careful planning. What did he have to show that he was capable of taking care of me and the kids except for a driver’s license? He was convinced that I was the one for him. I was his dream and his vision. My body was in agreement but my mind and conscience were restless.
I loved him dearly but I knew that the marriage was doomed because I was going to cause turmoil in this holy matrimony. I knew there would be fights daily and I would be the one causing them. I knew what I wanted unfortunately, it was not what was before me. I saw my kids going through what I went through though in a different set up. I could smell poverty from a distance. I could tell that poverty was catching up with me in form of someone I loved. I saw myself miserable and full of regrets in the end.
His family on another hand didn’t like me because they believed I was influencing him to abuse his inheritance. You see, he had to take me out here and there to spoil me yet he had no source of income. So he would go to the farm time and again to sell a few goats for him to have something in the pocket. All this happened in the eyes of his uncles and aunts who were now his guardians because his parents had passed on. They didn’t like me at all. I appreciated their concern but I was not the problem, their son was. To them I was just a gold digger yet all I was trying to do was to make a gold mine out of their son as well as myself. There was certainly no gold to dig from him. I knew the riches he had were his parents’ hard work and sweat. I hoped he would wake up and at least dream of a brighter future.
I had to focus on my dreams and decided to go our separate ways. We cried but there was nothing we could do. I was not willing to let my dreams die before me. I was not ready to let poverty devour me again. I made him understand that I loved him but the poverty symptoms he had scared me so much that I had to run for my life. I couldn’t imagine my children going through the cycle of poverty because their father would have murdered my dreams.
In peace and pain we agreed to let each other go. We were in love with each other but our dreams were in conflict. We loved each other enough to let each other go.