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Now That I Am A Witch

I was happy when I realised that you were going to join the family. Your birth was a painful yet a beautiful experience. I cried and laughed at the same time happily. Your presence was an awesome coincidence.


I remember sleepless nights I had with you as you cried all night.You had days when you had high temperature. I couldn’t tell what the problem was.You were just a toddler and I had to guess what was wrong with you.I went with you to doctors, prophets and healers just to keep you alive. Chewing bitter roots and leaves, drinking different concoctions just to make you thrive.You survived against all odds.


I toiled day and night for you to make it in life.Your happiness came first for me.I did everything in my power for you to be wise.Your ambitions made me work hard like a bee. I hid money for you my child as a hardworking wife. My desire was to see you get to where you wanted to be.


I was happy that you had finally made it in life. No more pain and suffering I thought our struggle was over. I didn’t know it was the beginning of my nightmare. I am longing to talk to you but you are now cold towards me. Your children I wish to hold them in my arms but they are beyond my reach. I had dreams of playing with my grandchildren from the day I birthed you. Although it looks impossible, I have hope that one day my dreams will come true.


Is it the stranger you brought into your house that changed you? Is it the many churches you changed like a prostitute that deranged you? Is it the city far away from home that has swallowed you? Could it be the way I now look? Maybe I am now an embarassment to your fithy rich friends. Surely it doesn’t look like you came out of my belly.


Now I am a witch to my own flesh and blood. If I wanted to kill you, I had all the chances to destroy you. Right after intercourse I would have taken the pill and strangled you. Concoctions are many I could have flushed you out of my womb. I could have watched you die as you wailed in pain most of the nights. Poverty breathed down our necks I could have starved you to death. I had every opportunity to squeeze life out of you as a child but I didn’t.


Now that I am witch it is clear I am in deep mud.If only I had saved myself from the suffering I went through as I raised you, I wouldn’t be the laughing stock in the neighbourhood. Calculations filled my head to make your dreams alive I ended up looking like one who was mad. I almost walked naked but it didn’t matter as long as you looked good my child. I was known as a woman of ragged clothes and cracked heels. I didn’t mind because I saw a brighter future ahead of us.


Now I am witch, all I can do is pray to God. However, I wish to know when I became a witch.What have I done to be called such a name? I do not mind if the world calls me names. It kills me to know that the world feels sorry for me whilst you label me as a witch. Now that I am a witch, I understand everything looks really bad. Maybe the wrinkles I have and my toothless mouth makes me look like one. Pale eyes and long dirty nails I am even scared of the person I see in the mirror. I do not blame you I absolutely look like one.


Now that I am a witch, don’t pretend to cry when I am gone. The old thatched house about to collapse isn’t inviting. I just pray it doesn’t fall on me one day. I am now weak the yard now looks like a cemetery. Leaking pots, broken plates and cups, no one wants eat what I dish. Cats meowing and jumping in corners and shelves. Dogs and puppies running and barking around the yard. Those are my friends they keep me company. I hope they wont turn me into a meal one day if I fail to wake up.


Now that I am a witch but I will not stop loving you. I hope one day you will wake up and realise the greatest mistake of your life. I will not stop praying for you but I am afraid of my bitter spirit when I am gone. I do not know what I will become when I leave the land of the living. Maybe then will I become a witch. For now, my heart and soul are filled with love for you my child.


Now that I am a witch, all I can do is hope. Memories of how we used to love each other gives me  faith for a new tomorrow. Imaginations of what would have been keep me alive. The spell that is upon you I am optimistic  it will fade away. I hope that you will wake up from that deep sleep before it is too late. Everyday I anticipate to wake up from this nightmare.


Now that I am a witch, I am not sure if I can continue to live like this. I don’t know if I still have more time here. I can feel life slowly leaking out of me everyday. It is pretty obvious I will die a lonely death. You have done a great job poisoning everyone against me. If I had given birth to you in a hospital I would have thought that you were switched at birth.  In that small hut you grew up in I brought you into this world. Certainly, you are my flesh and blood. Before I transcend to another world I wish to know what brought all that hatred.


Now that I am a witch, death is now knocking at my door. Let me die maybe I will have rest. My thoughts have killed me. They continously paced to and fro in my head. Old age is another thing but you have killed me. Don’t come running when I am gone. I would rather let my carcass be eaten by vultures than to be buried in your beautiful casket. I cannot let you put up a show at my funeral yet you failed to give me what I wanted. All I wanted was your time and love my child.

Carol is an author, a blogger and a qualified teacher. She loves to pen articles about life's struggles, challenges and anything else going on in her head.