Home ยป I am special (the horrors of an abusive husband)

I am special (the horrors of an abusive husband)

I gave you my heart. I gave you my life. I lived for nothing and no one but us. I believed that was enough, that my love showed and you’d love me back. For a while it was. You popped the question and my heart melted. “Yes, I will marry you.”

We’ll build a home together. We meant to. Then it all fell apart.


At first I blamed myself. I was falling into the common marriage trap – once we women get married, we don’t care about our appearances. We change. I look back now and realize I was a fool. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was you and it took me so long to figure it out.


When we got married my husband worked and I was a stay at home mum. He convinced me I didn’t need to work. That he’s take care of me and our two children. My beautiful children, the misery and pain I put them through. They may have been young but they heard, they saw.


When we were dating and he was wooing me, I’d get nice gifts. He’d take me out and spoil me. At the end of the date he’d hug me tight, tell me how he couldn’t wait for us to be together.

That wasn’t the man I lived with in our matrimonial home. I started seeing less and less of his salary. He’d buy a few groceries. Once in a while the kids would get new shoes. Some months we’d have to survive off of the little I made vending small items I’d have managed to sell. It wasn’t much but I made sure my young ones did not sleep hungry. Some times he’d go on vacation and leave us with nothing but what was in the house and I had to borrow and beg from friends and nearby relatives.

Through all this, he managed to come home with his breath heavy with alcohol. I stayed. Because I loved my husband and I wanted my children to grow up in a home with both parents.


Then the cheating started. Or at least I started noticing it. He was no longer trying to hide it anymore. He’d leave me and our kids in the house, in the middle of the night to go be with his girlfriend. The lady we shared the very same house that we lived together in. He would literally be in the room next to the one I was in. The African woman is brought up and conditioned to take it. Respect your husband and honor his decisions. I had to speak out. I was dying inside.

I asked him about it and he’d give me a simple meh. For a while I cried over it. Then mustered the courage to confront this disrespectful woman about it. That is when the physical abuse started.


My husband’s girlfriend reported mt inquiry into the matter and he beat me for it. In the same house that our kids were in. He beat me for asking why he was having an extra-marital affair. But that wasn’t the end of it. The day came when we had an argument and he got physical yet again. Only this time, he took it to the point that I had to be hospitalized from the injuries I sustained. I even got a neck brace due to the damage he caused to my body.

The nurses at the hospital had to call the police due to the severity of the case and my dear husband got locked up. The day I could walk, I went to withdraw the charges and bail him out. I felt that he had learned his lesson. Boy was I wrong.


As time went by, he added emotional abuse to the bill. He made me feel like a lesser person. He told me he couldn’t have sex with me without taking pills. That I no longer appeared attractive to him. I was now old and worthless. I was only 29. I hung in there, held on to the little hope I had for my marriage and my family.


When did I wake up, open my eyes and smell the coffee? On the day that I found myself holding an approved peace order against him and his fists. I was a fool. This had to end and I had to walk away. I had a job now. I could take care of my children’s basic needs.

That was it. I moved out and filed for divorce. It was time for me to take my life back. I was done.

I am special and you will not treat me like trash ever again.

Van Lee is a software developer and blogger. He has published websites, mobile and desktop applications. He also takes time to mentor students in Computer Science. You can find him on Quora.